Why Do We Tend to Self-Blame?
This self-blame mostly comes from the control and standards of our original family, and from having a dominant mother. When we cannot meet those standards or achieve the goals we set for ourselves, we enter into self-blame. When we engage in long-term self-blame, our bodies actually endure this pain.
Those who enjoy self-blame often experience back pain, knee pain, and procrastination. They often suffer from anxiety and poor brain function, and even after falling asleep, they have frequent dreams. Their entire circulatory and respiratory systems may become problematic, and they may experience sore throats and coughs.
Why Does Self-Blame Cause Pathological Symptoms in the Body?
This is because self-blame actually targets our own action and direction, which represents our knees and waist, causing pain in these areas. When we engage in self-blame regularly, we also tend to become anxious, which leads to poor brain function.
Our circulatory system becomes poor, and we have difficulty breathing. Gradually, this emotional state turns into an illness, causing symptoms such as coughing, inflammation, sore throats, and respiratory diseases.
In fact, our self-blame is a disease in our hearts, and it can manifest as physical illness. Those who self-blame are more likely to be nervous and tend to engage in self-attack. This self-attack can also manifest as physical symptoms, such as digestive problems and even premature heart failure.
The heart is always delivering powerful energy, and when we engage in self-blame, we start to attack ourselves internally, and the heart is the first to suffer. Therefore, the heart may experience premature aging, and even sudden heart palpitations.
All of this is because we self-blame too much and set too many standards for ourselves. While we may sometimes say we should lower our standards, it is often difficult to do so.
Why do people who blame themselves often demand perfection?
Because that standard has already been formed in the subconscious, and even in the original family, it has already been fixed in your mind, consciousness, and even your mental model. When you lower your standards, you also feel uncomfortable and feel that you are not good enough. Therefore, you still habitually scold yourself in your mind, thinking that you are not good enough and only pretending to be good.
Some people even say that they have to scold themselves severely before they feel better. Therefore, many people form a pattern of self-blame and a way of living.
Some students even told me, “Teacher, every night before I go to bed, I filter through what happened today, and then I think about whether I did anything wrong or said anything wrong. If I did something wrong, or said something wrong, I will go through it again, and then I will admonish myself not to do it again. I must change, I must change.”
He said, “The mistakes I make will become less and less, and even if I am about to say something wrong, I will self-blame for a long time. How can I not good enough even when I am so old? I have to change, I must change.” People who often blame themselves actually live a very serious life. I actually like to tease serious people because I think they live a very hard life.
Living too seriously, are you happy?
Serious people really live too hard because they are always afraid of making mistakes, and in their world, there is right and wrong. If it’s wrong, they blame and punish others; if it’s right, they are cautious and try harder, not to get complacent and make mistakes in the future.
Therefore, based on the fundamental tone of our lives, living seriously means not making mistakes. For happy people, they can make mistakes because this world can tolerate mistakes, and there may be costs or consequences for mistakes.
For example, making a cake allows for the possibility of failure, especially when making it for the first time. You may feel regretful and blame yourself for wasting flour, but most people would understand that it’s normal to not do well on the first try.
In other words, our lives are often like making bread and making cakes, just trying our hands and allowing for failures. However, for serious people or those who do not allow for mistakes, they truly do not allow themselves and others to make mistakes.
What is the Inner Fear?
First, I cannot bear the consequences of failure. Second, I have a deep sense of vigilance towards myself. I feel that I am not good enough and therefore need to constantly remind myself not to make mistakes. I cannot tolerate mistakes, and this is the foundation of my life.
For happy people, making mistakes is acceptable because in this world, mistakes can exist and there can even be a cost or consequence to being wrong. For example, when making a cake, there is always a chance of failure, especially when making it for the first time. It is normal to not do well on the first try, and most people understand that.
Our lives are like making bread or making cakes. We experiment and allow for mistakes. However, for serious people who do not allow for mistakes, it is not acceptable to try and fail.
I had a student who had breast cancer. She was a very hardworking person, and her family had a military background with strict discipline. She was always striving for perfection and afraid of making mistakes.
She asked me, “Teacher, why did someone like me, who works so hard, get sick?” After checking her energy, I told her it was because she was too afraid of making mistakes and demanded too much of herself. She treated herself like a slave and never allowed for any mistakes.
I asked her, “Do you ever smile at work?” She replied, “There’s really no reason to smile.” I asked, “Is smiling something that is necessary or something that comes from within?” She said, “I don’t have anything to laugh about.” I said, “So you are always tense, trying not to make any mistakes.” She said, “Yes, isn’t that how work should be? Is it because I take everything too seriously?” I replied, “Yes.” She said, “I know. I don’t enjoy life because I only criticize myself. I carry a high whip and lash myself many times a day, feeling that I’m not good enough.”
I asked her, “Has anyone ever told you that you are already very good?” She said, “Many people have.” I asked, “But you don’t believe them, do you?” She replied, “No.” I said, “It must be because you have a very strict mother who has set very high standards for you.” She said, “That’s true. No matter how well I do, my parents, including my mother, never praise me and always feel that I’m not doing enough.”
I explained to her that in her subconscious mind, she felt that no matter how well she did, it was never enough, and that was why she kept pushing herself. I asked her, “Do you ever feel like you’re wasting time? Do you feel that if something is not meaningful, then it’s a waste of life?” She said, “Yes.” I asked her, “So when you’re lying in bed with cancer, do you feel like you’re wasting a lot of time and life?” She said, “Yes, that’s how I feel.”
I told her that she needed to change her attitude towards life and to slowly accept that cancer was not terrifying and could be cured. She received targeted therapy and listened to my online lessons every day.
When I met her again, she told me that her cancer cells had calcified and died, and she was able to recover. She said, “I remember what you told me. I was living too seriously. I changed my lifestyle and started to enjoy life. I didn’t know how to live carefree like you, but I listened to your online lessons every day.
What you do, I do. If you play voice acting, I’ll play voice acting. If you suggest reading a book, I’ll read it. If you want to watch a movie, I’ll watch it. If you say to go for a run, I’ll run. Whatever you do, I’ll do it too. If you watch TikTok, I’ll watch it too.”
She said, “I suddenly found that I have become more cheerful and happy in this world. But I also suddenly realized that wasting time is not a bad thing. There is no self-blame, and the important thing is that I am no longer setting so many standards for myself or blaming myself like before.”
“I don’t know why, but I’ve started to become more like a teacher, not serious at all, not only not blaming myself, but also praising myself. I never dared to do this before. After a few months, I feel my body is particularly light, and I think I should go for a check-up and take a look.”
After the check-up, my doctor friends were shocked and said, “How is this possible? How did the cancer cells suddenly disappear? Even with medication, it shouldn’t have improved to this extent. You are the first case we’ve seen like this. This condition is completely gone.” I’m so grateful!
“My whole mentality has changed. I’ve become more cheerful and people around me wonder why I smile so much now. I’m not as active at work as before, and I have more hobbies and entertainment in my life.”
She said: “My husband sees me differently now. He wonder why I’ve become happier, more outgoing, and even know how to joke around.” My body is doing so much better too. It’s really amazing.
Our bodies really do change. When you have a positive attitude towards life, your body has a steering wheel and a reflex point that respond to it. If you have self-blame and unacceptance, your body will also resist. When you start to appreciate the beauty of life and enjoy it, as I said, by living life not so seriously, you’ll find that your body will unconsciously improve.
Today, a classmate was doing a body case study and told me, “Teacher, since I started listening to your lessons and laughing and joking around about life with you, my tinnitus has gone away and my breast lumps have disappeared.”
She said, “I don’t know why I’ve become so happy and why my body suddenly got better. It’s because I’ve learned to let go in my emotions. I’ve stopped fighting with myself and my self-blame is slowly disappearing.”
This self-blame is self-attack. If we talk about emotional peptides we discussed a few days ago, it means that you have produced a self-blame emotional peptide, which often leads to self-blame incidents that will feed your emotional peptides.
