Balancing Family and Career
Many people feel lost when it comes to balancing their family and career, just like one of my friends who has been hesitant to have children. She is almost 40 and feels that having children might jeopardize her position at work. In life, both in the family and in your career, what are your concerns? What are you afraid of?
For instance, some people worry about their career, such as being afraid of their performance being surpassed by others, losing their position to someone else, or the industry being consolidated too quickly or declining. They worry that their physical and mental health and competitiveness are declining as they age. They even worry about their company’s profits, which could affect the entire industry.
In terms of emotions and family life, we have more concerns. For example, we worry that our parents are getting older and we cannot provide them with a stable life or spend enough time with them. As middle-aged adults, we worry about the cost of healthcare if our parents become seriously ill. We are also concerned about our emotional relationships, especially when it comes to infidelity. Some people worry about their own potential infidelity, while others worry about their partners cheating and end up monitoring their every move.
Coping with Fear and Anxiety
When it comes to fear and anxiety, I remember a female classmate who asked me a personal question during my first or second year of teaching. She said, “Teacher, you’re always running around outside like this, and you’re so rich. I heard you gave all your money to your husband. Aren’t you afraid? Aren’t you afraid your husband will run away with your money?” Everyone laughed, and I laughed too.
In life, both in our family and in our careers, we all have worries and fears. We worry about our parents, our partners, our colleagues, and our friends. We worry about our performance at work, whether we will be replaced, and whether the industry we are in will decline. We worry about our age, our physical health, and what will happen to us if we get sick or can’t work.
For middle-aged people, one of the biggest concerns is suboptimal health. We fear that we won’t be able to die, with aging parents to care for and young children to provide for. We may also have financial worries and debts. Many of us worry about not being able to die, so we live in fear of our own physical decline.
I remember reading the news about Pu Shu the other day. He was recording a program that went on until midnight. Suddenly, he said, “It’s time to go to bed. I’m getting old.” Because it was a recording, there was a live audience. Even though the program hadn’t finished recording by midnight, he left.
People criticized him for being too capricious. They said that he was over 40 years old and should be able to handle it. But isn’t it just because it was too noisy, too tiring, and too sleepy? Isn’t that a very practical reason?
An even more practical reason is that my heart can’t take it anymore. I’m getting older, and I can’t stay up late anymore. So don’t middle-aged people have this fear? After the age of 35, everyone is at risk of aging prematurely.
Some people start to feel this way when they’re in their 30s, and by the time they’re in their 40s and 50s, this feeling becomes more and more obvious. When they’re in their 50s and 60s, this feeling becomes even more pronounced. Many people start taking health supplements, even if they were previously skeptical, because they worry about their own health.
Anxiety and Fear as Parents
Moving on to the next level: our children are the downward lines, and we really worry about them. Not accompanying them with their homework could affect their learning and exam results, even early romantic relationships.
I have a friend whose daughter is only 14 or 15 years old and has already cohabited with her boyfriend. She doesn’t come home at night, and her mother can’t get through to her no matter what she says. The daughter rebels fiercely, and her mother cries every day. She asked me repeatedly, “What should I do? Every three days, I ask her to come back home once, but she still doesn’t want to. She says she wants to die. What should I do?”
This is an extreme example, but more often than not, many parents and middle-aged people are caught between attending cram schools and being with their families.
This is the fear and anxiety of one’s career, and what we discussed earlier was the fear and anxiety of one’s family. You will find that despite so many worries, fears, and anxieties in the family, you cannot rest. Many people crave rest the most. But you dare not rest, why?
Because you are afraid that your career is already difficult enough, and if you slip down from this position or even from the position in the industry, you will become even less intelligent. You are even afraid of being suddenly indulged in happiness and joy, then not wanting to do anything.
The Lack of Yang Energy
Therefore, many students would say, “Teacher, I don’t want to work now. I just want to follow you around. I don’t want to do anything anymore!” But how did we get to the point where we don’t want to do anything?
It’s actually due to a lack of positive energy. In the yin and yang system, yin energy dominates human calmness and joy. So when you have less yin energy, it’s like when we lack sleep, we become irritable because our calm joy is taken away. Similarly, when you have less yang energy, you’ll find yourself not wanting to move, becoming lazy.
As we mentioned earlier, whether it’s in career or family, what’s missing in your fears and anxieties is fundamental energy, which is what we call “yuan qi” (original vital energy). Yuan qi includes the calm joy in both yin and yang energy.
Let’s first talk about the missing yin energy, which is sleep. In fact, many people nowadays don’t get enough sleep. They can’t achieve deep sleep or sleep until they wake up naturally. It’s impossible to achieve deep sleep.
Many envy my ability to fall asleep quickly, and I really can fall asleep in seconds anytime and anywhere. Because what is sleep? Sleep is cutting off my thoughts and body, my thoughts no longer control my body, anytime and anywhere.
But why can’t you fall asleep quickly? It’s actually due to anxiety and fear. Even if there’s a faint connection, your body can’t completely relax.
It’s really hard to relax in the yin energy.
How can we relax?
One is through breathing, specifically abdominal breathing;
One is through practicing yoga;
One is through running.
This is the harmony between heaven and humanity, which is yin energy.
The yang energy is through running. When you start sweating during exercise, your yang energy begins to emerge. When your yang energy emerges, you’ll feel a calm power within you.
This means that when yin energy reaches its extreme, yang energy emerges, and when yang energy reaches its extreme, yin energy emerges. This is the process of the mutual transformation of yin and yang.
Beginning of Yin-Yang Transformation Process
It starts with our heart and our nature. Nature is an accumulation process, whether it’s photons, particles, or atoms. It integrates the rules of all forms of matter, and we call it nature.
Spirituality or enlightenment is actually a summary of a rule. We call it nature.
Returning to nature, there is a mind inside, which is our perception of the external world. The combination of what you see and its rules is called the mind.
And in the mind, there is always a division between yin and yang. Just cultivating calmness and joy is not enough. Some people say, “I’m particularly irritated, whether at home or at work. I just want to be quiet.” But actually, more people are in a state of avoidance and can’t really be calm because they can’t truly be still.
Why Can’t Many People Relax?
Some people even develop addiction, even when they are alone, they pick up their phones every minute to check if they received any messages. If they don’t, they will actively send messages to others to strike up a conversation or send messages to themselves. They post on social media and keep checking for likes.
As we mentioned earlier, the heart and nature are actually “folded changes”. This part may be a bit difficult to understand because it’s quite deep. My class is actually meant for the soul. If you can understand it, you can, but if you can’t, you can’t. Why? Because your soul can understand it, but the part that doesn’t understand it is just your logical and conscious mind, which is the part of us humans. The part that can understand it is actually the part that is already complete within us, because everyone is already complete in themselves.
Why do people have so many worries as they grow up?
Fear and anxiety are just reflections of our hearts. We feel that our inner strength is not enough, whether it’s for our family or our career. Our inner selves reflect the fear of our own limitations.
We also mentioned earlier about nature being the law that governs all energy. If we cannot grasp this law, then we will always be struggling to keep up. This process of struggling can be exhausting and we feel that we can’t keep up.
What about work? What about relationships? When we talk about relationships, it’s not just about romantic relationships, but also includes relationships with parents, children, colleagues, friends, and loved ones. How do we deal with all these emotions?
Sometimes, we feel envious of our childhood where we were naive and had fewer worries. Why do we have so many worries as we grow up?
The reason is that we want too much. Can’t we just be content? As we mentioned earlier, dying is not an option. This includes our emotional relationships and our career. If we don’t work, where will the money come from?
We are forced to be in a state of alertness and constantly putting out fires.
So what can we do?
One small suggestion is to leave work at the office. When I come home, I try not to talk about work. I try to be more relaxed because home is not the place to discuss work. It’s also not a place to release anxiety. You may feel that home is a more relaxed environment, but it’s not the place to talk about work.
Two people may have different opinions, so it’s better to avoid discussions that may lead to arguments. Arguments are the fastest way to communicate, and since we are so familiar with each other, there is no cost to arguing. However, this kind of argument will damage our relationship in the long run. Therefore, it’s not recommended to discuss work at home.
The many faces of a person can turn to one. Emotions are emotions and work is work. You can have two different faces.
