Parents’ attitudes towards money have always influenced us. I have dealt with many cases where people say I love money, I like money, but in fact, they don’t really love money. What is the truth about money? The truth is that I am afraid of losing money.
The truth is that I have a grasping attitude towards money. I feel that I am not worthy of having money, and even have fear and anxiety towards money. I have a state of being both attracted to and escaping from money.
What causes this?
Many times, our lack of love for money and lack of sincere feelings towards money come from the underlying energy of hatred towards money in our financial energy.
Why do I say that we hate money? Many people may not agree with this idea. They might say, “I love money so much, who says I hate it? I can’t hate it!”
01
I once had a case with a girl who was really short of money. She had taken out loans and had a lot of debt. She was working very hard to build a business for her family, but she still had a lot of debt. When she came to me, she was very confused and almost desperate, asking why she had been in debt all this time.
When I checked her energy, I said: “It comes from your hatred of money.” She immediately disagreed, saying that it was impossible because she loved money too much to hate it.
I said: “Let’s investigate where the problem lies.”
During her childhood, her parents, including her grandparents, used to argue over money. This made her have a deep-seated hatred for money, as she blamed it for causing disharmony in her family. She was surprised that this memory came up when I asked her about it, as she thought it had been a long time ago.
She then recounted a memory from when she was very young, around four or five years old. At the time, she was young and didn’t even know what money is and how to spend money, but adults had a different view of it.
One day, she went to her uncle’s house to play, sawing many one-yuan coins at her uncle’s house, then she took a handful home to play with. However, her uncle came to her grandfather’s house and accused her of stealing. Her grandfather then scolded her and her father even hit her to teach her a lesson.
This incident made her feel unjustly treated, and it also reinforced the idea that money was something bad. Her family’s arguments over money continued, and even when she was out shopping with her grandmother, her grandfather would criticize them for wasting money.
Since then, she had developed a deep-seated fear and hatred towards money, even though she worked hard to earn it to improve her family’s living conditions. It was the first time I had seen how childhood experiences with money and family dynamics could leave such a deep imprint on a person’s psyche, causing psychological trauma that affects their relationship with money.
If parents argue over money when their children are young, it can create a sense of fear and disgust towards money that lasts into adulthood. Even when the children grow up, they might continue to see money as a source of disharmony and avoid dealing with it. This is why it’s essential to be mindful of how we talk about money around our children and to ensure that our money issues do not create negative experiences for them.
02
I have a friend who is the owner of a renovation company, and he has already achieved a lot in our area. I thought he was very wealthy, but he is especially frugal with himself.
One time, he told me, “Can you help me? My wife wants to divorce me because I am too stingy, and she can’t stand it anymore. She wants to divorce me.” He said, “I am also quite annoyed by my own behavior, but can you tell me why I am so stingy? I have money, but I really can’t bear to spend it.”
I laughed and said, “Then give your money to your wife.”
He said, “No, if I give it to her, I won’t feel secure. I have to keep it with me.”
I said, “Then spend it on her behalf.”
He said, “No, why buy something expensive when there are cheaper options? But she feels too oppressed living with me. She said that although I have gone from being a migrant worker to a contractor, I am still a migrant worker at heart. She doesn’t want to live with a migrant worker anymore. She feels that she has had enough.”
We started to investigate why he was so stingy. We found that during his childhood, he was a poor rural child. One time, his father gave him five cents to buy something in town. At that time, five cents was pocket money, and he was also given fifty cents to buy other things. He was particularly happy about the five cents, and at that time, fifty cents was a huge sum of money for a child.
After he bought some things, he had some money left over. His family then asked him to buy cornbread made from cornmeal. He often ate cornmeal bread, but he saw some steamed buns for sale that looked soft and white. He stood beside them and sniffed them, and his mouth began to water. He thought they smelled so delicious.
Then he bought three steamed buns for five cents. He remembered it very clearly. He bought steamed buns for five cents and then also got some water. He had planned to eat one of the buns and bring the other two home to share with his younger brother and parents. But because they were so delicious, he ate all three in one go.
When he reported the spending to his family, his father asked him how he had spent the five cents. The household expenses were all settled and correct, but how had he spent his pocket money? He then told his father that he had bought steamed buns.
His father then beat him severely with a belt and hung him from the ceiling for half a month. It was so painful that he couldn’t get out of bed for half a month. His father told him that he was too wasteful, and that he should have used the five cents to buy books or things for the family instead. How could he buy three buns, eat them all himself, and not even give any to his younger brother or sister? He wasted the money and was selfish.
That half-month left a deep impression on him. He was really scared of money and couldn’t spend it. That’s why he was so obsessed with saving money and couldn’t spend it unless there was something specific he wanted to exchange it for.
We all want abundance and prosperity and want to become rich. But at the bottom of our consciousness, we must first clean up the influence that our parents had on us, such as their lectures, scolding, and negative teachings about money.
